Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
tell me about the eggs
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
