You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
