The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
is it fun? or sober?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
