Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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