Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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