I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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