He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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