He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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