his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
