Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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