fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
