Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
