Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
My ass is underappreciated
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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