She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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