Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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