Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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