quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
