Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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