Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
