I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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