dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
operation harelip BJ is a go
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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