My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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