i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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