Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
