If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
