i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
