I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
We need to feng shui this bitch.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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