I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
