some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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