Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
