I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
