trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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