alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
