How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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