he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
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