if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
