Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
