There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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