Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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