Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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