How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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