True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
