Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
