its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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