your room smells of hookers.
And success
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
