lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
His nipple licking is glorious
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