we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
