My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
my liver is dry heaving
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
