The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
