Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
