I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
