just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
