oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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