it was like his penis was on wheels.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
