Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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